Hey, D, I know I didn't show up here lately.. it's just that.. hhh.. I don't know..

I guess.. I'm just getting better at pretending in front of other people that I'm alrite..

It wasn't because I didn't want to share some of my problems to them, it's just that.. some of the problems are too private that I felt like I shouldn't share it with the others, not even my (best) friends..

And I couldn't share it with my Mom either 'cause it would only make her sadder, she has got problems of her own as well, I don't want to add her burdens.. so all I do is to keep it all by myself..

I fought again with 'this person' the other day and I cried though I didn't mean to.. I said things that I really felt about 'this person', but why couldn't I get rid of the guilty feeling for making 'this person' got hurt of the things that I said?!

Later on that day.. I kept asking God.. if I died that day.. where would I end up to?

But I'm out of energies now, D, and I can't recharge my batteries.. I feel soo.. tired..